I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
