There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
