i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
