just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
