I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
