I think I won the penis lottery.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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