We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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