OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
