if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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