He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
