I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
