I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
