Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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