I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
