I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
