He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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