I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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