hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
