pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
