My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize