Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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