The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
