Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I could fuck to npr.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
