it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
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One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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