true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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