you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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