A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
