LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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