No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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