She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
