How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
3 2 1 whiskey
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
