i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
