Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
