ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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