A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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