apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
