you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
