just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
