4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
