I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
