So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
