The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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