dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me + whiskey = a bad person
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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