Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
