my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
