I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
