We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
