clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
