I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
