it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
