I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
