The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
