I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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