Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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