He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
