In the future we'll all be gay
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
