I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
