The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
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I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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