There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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