Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
