Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
