What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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