umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
