why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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