sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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