found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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