please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
