We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
