I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
