I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
