I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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