is your mom at the bar?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
