are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
