Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
