I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
