i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
