Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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